Privacy Policy

Last updated: Never. This isn’t changing.

We know you’re here because you either:

Either way, here’s everything i legally have to pretend to say:

1. We Don’t Collect Anything.

Seriously.
 There are no forms, no logins, no cookies, no tracking pixels.
 We don’t care who you are. The site barely knows it exists.

If your device sent us any information (like IP address, browser type, existential despair), we didn’t notice. And even if we did, we wouldn’t know what to do with it.


2. We Respect Your Data by Not Touching It.

We believe in radical inaction. We collect no data, process no data, sell no data, analyze no data.
 We don’t even store it.
 We barely store the website.

If privacy is a human right, we are privacy absolutists through sheer laziness.


3. Third-Party Services? Nope.

No Facebook. No Google. No surveillance capitalism in sight.
 We don’t even use fonts from suspicious servers. We don’t even use fonts. We whisper our HTML into the void.


4. Children's Privacy

If you’re under 13, you’re probably the only person on earth who actually understands the spirit of this website.
 Still, don’t send us anything. Not that you could. There’s no way to. But just... don’t.


5. Security

We offer maximum security by doing absolutely nothing.
 No databases = nothing to breach.
 No accounts = nothing to hack.
 No sessions = no worries.

You're welcome.


6. Changes to This Policy

We will never change this policy, because that would require remembering where we put it.
 If it does change, it will still say “we don’t collect anything,” but in a slightly different font.


7. Contact Us

You can’t. There’s no contact form. There’s no email. If you really need to reach us, just scream into the night sky and hope the confetti answers back.


This has been your Privacy Policy.
 Now close this tab and go touch grass.